Love, dating, falling for someone, who wrote the rules? I am blessed to say that I have a ton of girlfriends from all walks of life. When we all get together, what do we do? Duh--talk about boys, shoes and politics! I love sitting around a table and asking questions that cross the line just enough, ones that get the juice, ones I can learn from. I feel like dating these days can be a little harder then before, but the pressure to find someone still hasn't gone too far. Now days you can download an app, swipe right or left until you find the picture perfect man or woman to walk into your life. So here you are painting this life with someone before you have ever even said hello.
After so many of these conversations I realized I never really did the meet someone, give them my number, be picked up, awkward dinner, what’s your favorite color conversation, go home and wait for phone call thing, aka dating. I am more of a make out once, never answer your call, pick a guy out in the crowd and make them my boyfriend before they know it kinda gal. Well this doesn’t really work for long term, so over last summer I decided to try the dating thing. I found it was really great for me to put myself in uncomfortable situations, to be open to all kinds of people. It taught me more of what I wanted, what I needed in a partner, and overall what I was looking for.
Where do you accidentally bump into the man that is going to fill your feed with romance? I find that being set up is the best way to meet someone long term. Your friends could see something in you that you possibly don't see in yourself. It’s nice to go into it with something already in common, someone that has credentials, and someone to point the finger at if it doesn't work out. So don't be afraid to tell your friends to keep an eye out and maybe carry your head shot to their next outing.
The infamous meet up, drinks, dinner, or both? First of all, I am a fan of drinks. I know a lot of girls think you should be wined and dined, but save you both the headache, pick a casual place with mellow atmosphere, have a drink, let it lead to appetizers, and possibly a late night slice. I would always pick a cute wine bar or suggest Culver City, a place away from my community to avoid any awkward hey, hellos, or interruptions.
What to wear? Always be prepaired to be spontainious thats what first dates are always about. Be yourself, find out where you are going first, wear a dress, bring a jacket, most of all be who you are. Here are a couple of my favorite date night pieces: the DYLAN, the GIA, the BOWIE the DOTTIE.
What to talk about? Well let’s start with what not to talk about. Number one is never talk about your ex, or someone you dated. I like to start with a clean slate, like neither party went on a date before meeting. Open yourself up, share family stories instead of talking about work, talk about why you love what you do. Keep it light and natural, allow the silence, sometimes it’s nice.
To call or not to call? We all know the feeling of is he going to call or not. I have no problem texting someone, then calling them to see if they got my text. So what if it doesn't leave mystery, it shows that I know what I want, and there’s no reason to leave mystery when it comes to what you want. I must say, as alien as it sounds I love when a guy is confident enough to pick up the phone and drop me a call instead of the text back and forth.
The awkward check. Who pays? Do I pay? Does he pay? Do we split it? Ok ok we are all independent women here. Yes you always offer to pay, but I frown upon the guy that doesn't pay for the first two dates. Just because I am an independent woman doesn't mean I don't believe in chivalry. This being said, women, take charge and show them we can do it too. Slip your credit card to the waiter once in a while, it goes a long way in the future to show that you can handle your own.
How far is too far? I can’t answer this question. I don't think that there should be limits or rules on love. You have to know yourself and what you can handle. If you are a slow mover then do it, if you can walk away and hope for the best then do it.
I think the moral of my story is that love does exist; I like to define love as another half that you can discover, laugh and share life with. Nothing is forever, but it can be if you let it. The grass is always greener; the journey isn’t an easy one but don't give into pressure to settle, even if it takes until you are 95 to find the perfect match, never give up!
I would love to hear your dating stories, do’s and dont's as I will be posting more about this subject so please check back for more! Email me @ [email protected] to be featured.